The Maldivian Ozymandias…in Sri Lanka

We had a nickname for our nemesis in the Maldives: “The Cockroach”. This was quite loosely based on his appearance, but more firmly founded on his personality: he had a small head with round blinky eyes and limbs that were far shorter than they should have been: it was as if he was permanently playing that game where one of your mates puts his arms through yours for comic effect. We were convinced that all the cockroaches in Big Mo’s accommodation were in fact his minions, sent to spy on our banal conversations about football matches and shitty films literature and politics.

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Songs of My Trip….in Sri Lanka

I’m pretty sure it’s something that happens to everyone: when you go on a long trip you can’t be arsed to keep putting new music on your music machine so certain songs just stick with you. They take on a new meaning and entertain you more than they ever have done before. Here I have five songs which have done just that: metamorphised into my memory soundtrack of my trip so far. Continue reading

Dramatic Exit….from the Maldives

It has been two weeks, give or take, since my last entry. That does not mean, however, that it has been two weeks since I last wrote anything. In fact I have been doing more writing than I have done in a long time, but none of it has been as self-serving as this blog. E-mails pinged back and forth between us and the UK, between the officious islanders and us, between us and our parents and finally confirmation emails from airlines regarding ticket bookings.  Since we have left for good, this post is the first of many where I will be dramatising various exchanges between ourselves and the locals. Continue reading

First world bucket list…in the Maldives

Asalaam alaikum. The big climax to my Maldives experience is going to happen in two and a half weeks, or at least it should in theory. Myself and Jerome are taking 4 students to Hong Kong for a rowing competition to constitute the first ever Maldivian crew to leave the country.

If that isn’t exciting enough, it will also be the first time any of the Maldivians (a mother is coming as well) has ever left the country. In fact, they have, put together, only left the 12km island we live on about 15-20 times between the 5 of them. So perhaps more importantly than just rowing, they will be experiencing life somewhere else for the time. Continue reading

Idiosyncrasies… in the Maldives

An amazing thing happened today. While Jerome and I were helping with some swimming classes at 6.30AM, three old men took a poo in the sea right next to us. The turds floated down to us and we had all the kids screaming “EEEEEWWWW A POOOOOOOOO” which was hilarious, but it set in motion the wheels and cogs of my mind: why are they pooing in the sea? Continue reading

Fresh (shark) meat… In the Maldives.

Jerome arrived yesterday looking a bit worse for wear, but grinning ear to ear just like the time he met his idol, Madonna, backstage at his 63rd and record-breaking UK concert. He was acutually proper knackered so after a quick pit stop for lunch he hit the (rock hard) sack  to shift his jetlag. I gave hims some space and went for some night fishing, this time on a seven-hour stint. Continue reading

False truths… in the Maldives

Tomorrow, after so long being the “only white guy in the village” (not really now there are some Australians), I will be joined by a fellow coach, Jerome. Jerome and I are very good friends, and so I’m in reasonably good faith when I say that I’m pretty sure he will find a lot of the things here as funny as I do. I have also assumed that he won’t have minded me telling people a selection of the following mistruths whenever they have asked anything about him: Continue reading