Would you like to go fishing and snorkeling? Yeah obvs.


Stamping ground

This Is the question I’ve heard a lot while I’ve been here. Yes, kind Maldivian, yes I very much would. Perhaps tomorrow will be the day I dust off my goggles and non-existent snorkeling gear, and prepare to see some sea. I had lunch with the man I’m going to go with, and he showed me his collection of GoPro videos of various fish I’ve only seen with David Attenborough’s face next to. He even showed me footage of this time, about 50m from the shore, when he saw two dolphins performing some sort of mating ritual for 30 minutes. I don’t think I’ll be that jammy tomorrow.

What I am very jammy at is attracting flippin’ mosquitos. For flips sake, they are still biting me. All the kids think it’s hilarious when I’m trying to talk to them while bent over, slapping my calves ferociously.  I also happen to be the only person on this island the mosquitos bite; I’m probably single-handedly propping up the local population. Just doing my bit. It’s got to the point now where they are actually just taking the easy route and sucking blood out of some old bites which are open and bloody. I might lather myself all over with honey and become a walking mosquito trap so I can take pleasure in killing the flippers once they have made the fatal error of trying to suck my blood. Suck it all you want, beaches, enjoy it while it lasts.

Another thorn in my side is the torch I have for my bike. This torch is potentially the worst torch I have ever had, maybe second to one I got in a Happy Meal when I was 6. This torch looks the business, especially once you put some fresh batteries in it… EVERY TWO FUDGING DAYS!!! If Pac-man had a lovechild with an American, it would look like this torch. I wouldn’t be so annoyed if I didn’t have to use it much, but being on the equator means it gets light at 6 and gets dark at 6. And there are no street lights. Pac-man Junior will sleep with the fishes (curried?) when I replace him promptly tomorrow.

Visiting a school on Hithadoo provided me with some very mild entertainment. Mainly because in the school hall the words “Model School” were brandished in huge letters above the door. And while I was sitting there addressing the kids, a very small part of me was pretending this was the first address of Maldives Next Top Model. Yosef worked the shot, don’t you agree? (Yosef is a little mascot who is featuring mainly in my disposable camera photos, so that I can have a nice delayed chuckle once I get back to Landan Taan).



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