Yes, Lord Sugar… in the Maldives.

Maldivian planning goes like this: name a date, and then wait until a week before that date to start talking about what you are going to do. 6 days before you assess all the options and rule out the ones which will take longer than 6 days to arrange. 5 days before you get some verbal arrangements in place and then one day before you do absolutely EVERYTHING, balls to the wall.This is what is happening right now. We are 4 days from the competition, and still there is no racecourse, no posters, no prizes, no nowt.

"The dog's bollocks"-Lord Sugar

“The dog’s bollocks”-Lord Sugar

There is a racing timetable and arrangement for photographer, down to moi. Everything else is expected just to fall into place. If we were on the Apprentice, we would be doing the equivalent of dossing about in the house drawing cocks on each other’s pads of paper while some completely pointless task like selling pork scratchings at a flower show loomed over team “Incision” or some other name which happened to be a word exactly how NOT to describe the characteristics of the team members.

But there is no Lord Sir Mr Alan Sugar here. I suppose at the moment I probably come closest, as most of the time I’m frowning at the planning process to the extent my face looks like an arse, like his does. And I’m quipping like nobody’s business. But fast-thinking one-liners aren’t going to get this dang thing done. To add to my stress, the weather is absolutely horrific at the moment: “it’s raining a lot” doesn’t even cover it. And it’s v v windy….

Today I spent the afternoon in the offices of a telecom designing this poster which is going to be blown up to four feet by two feet and plastered up around town…. on Friday……. That’s useful. But my computer skills were put to use. Then we had rowing where I am partnering kids with each other for the competition, navigating around friendships, the opposite of friendships, and a huge range of ability. But one thing I did enjoy was distributing the rest of my Maldives project shirts to the kids. We only had girl’s small and extra small sizes, myself being landed with an extra small, but as you can see, the material stretches nicely. Although even many of the older boys actually fit in the girls small and extra small sizes….This fact also explains why I look absolutely huge in the photo.

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